Why I write
And you should too
I know I should make a post about my publisher closing down again (if I had a nickel…) but honestly, that’s a post for another day.
Today, I want to talk about how I am continuing to write in spite of *everything*. Because honestly, times like these make me realize more than any other one why putting in the time and effort into writing and making art is important.
I just love solving puzzles
I was talking about this the other day with Katrina Carruth (as I do with most things, my sincere apologies to your inner ear for everything I’ve put it through), and I came to appreciate just how much logistics play a role in writing. You have to figure out how long it took to get the post from one part of the world to the other before planes, keep track of how many bones are in a human body, chart how the feelings between two people change over time, and remember how many days are in a week (that’s thrown me off more times than I’d care to admit. And don’t get me started on the number of days in a month!)
And somehow this all has to look effortless. None of this “Maybe it’s Maybelline”, everyone should think she woke up like this.
Moving away from logistics and plot holes, another crucial part of writing is making sure it makes sense to others. And to do that, you have to step out of your own head and explain things clearly enough to ensure that someone who isn’t bouncing off the walls of your skull can understand.
But on the flip side, don’t over explain, because readers are smart (and sexy 😏).
It’s a constant juggling act, and I LOVE IT. It’s fun to go down rabbitholes, it’s fun to find solutions, it’s fun to question my internal biases. When you finally find the right word or fill in a gap or realize you’d actually solved your own problem five chapters ago with a throw away sentence you’d forgotten all about it’s SUCH A RUSH. It’s better than chocolate (and pretty much everything else. Yeah, I said it.) This is probably why I tend to enjoy planning and editing as much as I enjoy writing. Those little fiddly bits are an absolute delight. I love a good tinkering (teehee)!
Which pairs well with the following:
It’s something to think about other than *hand wave*
We all need a dang break from the news sometimes. I promise you, if you stop doomscrolling for an hour to paint some rocks or make a necklace or bake a cake (or write a book) the world will be much the same as you left it, and you will also be fortified to deal with the issues in it a bit better.
One thing I really appreciate when I’m working on a project is just how much dang time it takes. You have to constantly be thinking about the thing. You go on walks to think about the project, you take showers to get unstuck from the project, you watch movies and read books and listen to music and look at art to challenge yourself and the project. You take your brain and say “let’s not focus on what’s going on outside for a minute but let’s think about this other problem. And this problem won’t hurt me, it’s very low stakes and interesting and neat.” And honestly that’s a gift to give yourself.
(And if I’m being real, often times the things I tackle in my art end up reflecting my real life concerns… but more on that later)
Its adult play time
Bro, do you remember make believe? Remember when we played games and pretended to be other people and that magic was real. Remember when we used to put pen or brush or marker to paper and draw lines and just go for it. That shit is FUN.
Guess what, you can still do it.
You can try new things, you can invent worlds, you can just explore. Any scenario you want, there’s no need to worry about budget, or physics, or Barbie doll anatomy (or even normal human anatomy). The only one policing your thoughts is you, I promise no one else has found a way to get in there (yet! I’m joking.) You’ve got free will, even if capitalism might make you feel like you don’t (and that’s what my current project is about, don’t it sound like fun!) So having some fun with it.
And while having fun alone is tons of fun, to have a balanced fun diet I’d recommend…
Building community through art
(Yeah that was a clunky segue)
I am constantly hearing about how hard it is to make friends in your thirties (and forties and so on) but I’d beg to differ. I find myself with some of the healthiest, most supportive friendships in my life right now, many of which I made in my thirties. I find myself regularly being challenged to push myself further, to be fearless, to go deeper, to engage with this or that artwork, to take care of myself, to play, to do a little dance in public, to question my assumptions… It has enriched my life in ways I am not sure I will ever be able to quantify or express enough gratitude for.
You all know who you are, I love you all deeply.
I know I would not have met these wonderful people if I hadn’t thrown myself into making art and into talking with other artists (and let me tell you, sending out some of those invites was horrifying—trust me, I’m a horror writer, I know horrifying. One time, I was so stressed out that I honestly can barely remember most of our conversation. Just stress blacked out. That person is now someone I now consider a close friend.)
And there’s been one more relationship that has massively benefited from my art.
Know thy self
One of the most important relationships I nurture is the one I have with myself. And a big part of that practice is knowing myself better (it’s also why I’m in therapy. Shout out to my therapist, they’re great.)
When I do something that seems to defy my logical brain, my first impulse is to dig in, to pull up that scab and look underneath. Why am I like this? This question is the ongoing refrain in my life (both because of the scabs and more existentially speaking).
I can’t count the number of times when, in the process of writing something just for fun, I hit a very personal vein that completely changed my understanding of myself. My novella Enamoured: A Triptych—about a much-too-ambitious widow, constantly unlucky in love but absolutely killing it (LOL) in business—made me examine how my drive has impacted my relationships. The book I’m working on right now about burn out is forcing me to take a look at my purpose, drive, and sense of self.
Making art forces me to sit with myself. Sure, this can be super uncomfortable to do so, learning usually is because it requires you to admit there’s something you don’t know. But art also gives you a safe space to poke around and ask questions. Play out those terrible what-if scenarios. Give a character a trait you want to interrogate in yourself.
The beauty is, you’re doing this for you. You don’t have to put this out if you don’t want to (and yes, I have books that will never see the light of day for this reason). And you can take your time. You can work on something for years if that’s the length of time it takes you to get to the bottom of things (I’ve had short stories I’ve been working on for years, yes years.)
Ultimately, do what you need to do for yourself. Get down to those root causes of your own behaviour. Sit with them, get friendly with your shadows, it’s the only way you’ll change.
All these reasons I write are also the reasons why gen AI doesn’t even in the slightest bit interest me (wow burying the lede there, Shelley). Even when writing is hard and I’m tired and I can’t find a solution right now, I treasure those times when I do write (and yes, planning your writing project counts). I also take things at my own pace, this urgency to produce quickly, now, even exhausted, that’s all capitalism. Ask yourself, why do I need to finish this project right this instant? So, what if someone writes it before you, what does that matter? Every idea has been had before, heck even Shakespeare was treading waters where many had swum, so you’re not really racing anyone but yourself. What you bring to an idea will be uniquely yours if you put your whole pussy, mussy, bussy, what-have-you in it. You’ll definitely find a new perspective if you’re being true to yourself (you being unique and all that). Not only that, but through writing/making it, you will know yourself better. You will have spent very little money while keeping yourself entertained. You will have made something only you can.
And for absolutely sure, you will grow from it.
Why do you make art? And more importantly, what kind of art are you going to make today? Get out there and do it!
(By the way, my books are going out of print at the end of this month so if you want a copy of Enamoured: A Triptych or The Flesh of the Sea, get on that!)